Sojourner's Record

en·gage

2012-01-23T10:23:00.000-08:00

Engage: verb \in-ˈgāj, en-\

Occupy, attract, or involve (someone's interest or attention)
Cause someone to become involved in (a conversation or discussion)

I've been on a Malcolm Gladwell kick. If you like prose (not the Google definition of "Plain or dull writing, discourse, or expression"), history, psychology, humor, and plain bluntness, then you should check out some of his books. He is very engaging. I picked up Blink for free after an in-office work conference that was meant to inspire and promote a healthy work environment and unity among coworkers.

"Good writing does not succeed or fail on the strength of its ability to persuade. Not the kind of writing that you'll find in this book. It succeeds or fails on the srength of its ability to engage you, to make you think, to give you a glimpse into someone else's head - even if in the end you conclude that someone else's head is not a place you'd really like to be." Preface, What the Dog Saw.

Read his blog here: gladwell.com
And enjoy.

It was a dark and snowy evening ...

2012-01-20T15:10:00.000-08:00

Currently, it is 5:25p.m. and snowing. I've a mug of .... yes, Sumatra coffee and am listening to a newly found jazz vocalist, Melody Gardot. Her voice is so fresh. She sweeps you down roads of lyrical ballads with her soothing vocals. She's an artist better than Ingrid Michaelson and Norah Jones, possibly with the equivalency of Ella Fitzgerald and Etta James. Read Melody's bio here. She has quite inspirational story.

Thanks to Pandora and Spotify (and the rejected SOPA law), my garden of music has been blossoming. A little bit of Bon Iver here, The Chemical Brothers there, sprinkles of Over the Rhine, and glorious rays of Mumford and Sons. Extra props to Pandora for bringing back my long, lost love of Jon Foreman's Season EPs.

Although content to listen to these artists, I am always on the hunt for more music, music with depth and creativity, perhaps more so along avant garde guidelines. What music are you listening to?

201-

2011-12-28T21:00:00.000-08:00

Even though the past nine months have felt like two years, everything seems like a blur. Rather than go into the details, I'd like to thank people who have made a huge impact in my life this year: Lindsey Berg, Roberta Sachs, Lindsay Vandervelde, Gilles Arnaud, Ben Johnson, Stacy Nott, Erin Desmond, John and Karin Vandervelde, Michael and Justine Nobbe, Anna Allen, Nathan and Annie Craft, Chad Coxon, and of course my parents and the rest of my family. Thanks for standing by my side to the end of the year.

--

For people my age, there seem to be two options in life: have an extended adventure or get married (not to say that getting married isn't an adventure, but I speak of Rocky Mountains, Europe, South America type of adventures). I wish they'd come paired, but I'm opting for the former. In preparation, I spent the entire day revamping my resume and working on the Teach for America application. TFA offers six location preferences. These are not a deciding factor, but the organization does take them into consideration. My top three are as follows:

Seattle/Tacoma
Colorado
Chicago

Why these places in this order?

Seattle: because it's possibly in one of the most ideal western locations as far as outdoors, mountains, and society. The rain is a bit of a downer, but I'll just have to invest in a Marmot rain jacket, or get one for Christmas next year (hint, hint).
Colorado: because who wouldn't want to move to Colorado???? The only reason this ranked number two because I could potentially be placed in No Man's Land. And quite honestly, I don't know if I could survive.
Chicago: because I like the city, it's not too far from home, and O'Hare offers a variety of flights/fares (i.e. an easy hop over to Colorado and back).

Have I mentioned anything about my new hobby? I've been rock climbing for seven months now and (to be quite honest) am not too bad for a new climber. For those who are unfamiliar with the realm of rock climbing, all climbs are graded. The standard class "5" means a harness and rope must be used. Then the grades work from 5.0-5.16, sometimes followed by + or - sign or 'a (the lowest of that grade), b, c, d' (being the highest of that grade). Easier grades are typically 5.1's - 5.6's, intermediates 5.7-5.9, difficult/advanced are 5.10-.11d, etc. When I'm on fire, I can easily get a 5.10b move. It's a little frustrating to be on the crux of an advanced and an actual solid climber. When I'm tired, it's down to a 5.8+. I blame my lack of endurance and small frame. Since I can't do much about the small bodied issue, I plan at least to start running.

Okay. I'll try not to talk about climbing too much. It can be addicting for those who climb and severely obnoxious for all involved in the conversations.

I might start blogging more frequently but need a theme. If you read this, leave a suggestion. The options are endless. I used to write "Egg of the Week," or something like that, which usually entailed ranting about something peevish. You decide; I'll consider.

Winter, why don't you love me back?

2011-12-06T09:50:00.000-08:00

My adventures thus far this winter:

The house heater broke. Thankfully, the internal temperature of the house only reached 58 degrees. After three nights of cold weather, we were even more thankful for a regulated 66 degrees on the thermostat.

Last week, I hit another car while driving in my first snow storm. Boohoo .... Thankfully no one was injured and my insurance (supposedly) covers everything. Unfortunately, my rates are going to increase.

I lost my driver's license this week. Thankfully, I can apply for a temporary 30-day license, which will be faxed sometime today. I'm hoping to find my current one between now and Christmas break; otherwise, it will be a merry Christmas waiting at the DMV.

What next?

Inspiration = Blogging

2011-11-24T11:29:00.000-08:00

I haven't been inspired to write for an eternity. My journal is collecting dust. My camera is broken. My iPod died (but I borrow my friends' iPods for short term trips to pass the time). It takes me months to finish a book. So what the heck have I been doing? Here's my update in the most short handed manner:

Location:
Jackson, MS (Aug '05) ----> Kansas City, MO (May '11) ----> Winona Lake, IN (Sept. '11)

Job:
Non-profit organization/Community Relations

Activities:
Rock climbing, cooking, sleeping, bike riding, weekend/day trips to Chicago ...

To-Do List:
Find a new job for the year 2012, finish a few more books, expand my iTunes library, learn how to make croissants with my fabulous roommate ...

Wish List:
Gift cards, all and any climbing gear (rope first, then quickdraws, helmet, etc), Marmot rain/wind jacket, Osprey Ariel 65 pack, woolen wear, a tent ...

High Hopes:

(Realistic) Find a permanent job
(Idealistic) Move out West, take a trip to Chile, visit my friends in Spain and take a pitstop in Italy, basically anything to take a yearlong adventure ...

I've turned somewhat reclusive but have made some great friends. I love my rock climbing friends. I love my coworkers. If inspiration comes soon, I'll go into more details; otherwise, have a great Thanksgiving!

No news is good news

2011-05-10T07:57:00.000-07:00

I've made a habit of not reading the news because it's too depressing. But I've decided to begin following on a regular basis in order not to become entirely self-focused. It helps me to remember that the world has bigger issues than my own and that I can do nothing but surrender to a Sovereign God.

The Apartment of Love

2011-05-05T09:21:00.000-07:00

"Ghetto Shabby Chic" is how we described our old apartment. It was a two-bedroom, one bath, half a kitchen apartment. $545 split four ways with a five minute walking distance from campus: It couldn't have been more worth it.

The outside view wasn't the greatest: dirty brick walls, old light fixtures that didn't work, battered wooden window panels, unruly hedges and stumps in the gardens. The only thing the landlord kept up with was sending landscapers to mow what little patches of grass there were to find on the front lawn. None of us really cared, except for an elderly lady in the adjacent building who faithfully lined up the garbage cans along the street and trimmed the gangly looking bushes as best as possible.

The inside was mainly shabby: off-white painted walls that had been doused over and over again with the quick turnover rate of tenants, the same off-white colored carpets, doors that wouldn't completely shut due to the layers of paint, a bony old tub that had been scrubbed so many times there was nothing more to scrub, the world's smallest, oldest dishwasher ...

Yet somehow amidst the bleakness, the girls managed to give it a cheerful appearance. They hung white Christmas lights along the window and paper lanterns from the ceiling. Rachel and Sarah would always come home with new furniture, either bought cheap off Craig's List or found among the curbside trash. This was how the Blue Cow Table came about. Despite it being old and rickety and its ridiculous clown-like appearance of cow patches in the sky, we all loved it. Then came the Blue Love seat, complete with a ottoman decorated with retro splashes of orange, purple and red. A little more eccentricity came from the collages. The collages always mesmerized me. They seemed to have some sort of political statement. (Living with three girls from The North, I had little doubt in my mind.) They were an assortment of Vogue, People, Family Circle, and whatever magazines they could get their hands on. Faces, trees, clocks and words that cut out and plastered onto canvases. The one with the nude lady always made boys feel uncomfortable, which made me laugh.

Our bedrooms were small but comfortable. We moved things around to make all the furniture fit. Julia and I had our bunk bed. Rachel and Sarah had their beds tier-style. For the most part, we kept to our own spaces; however, cuddling pile-ups would happen every so often. The only time I slept in Rachel and Sarah's room was the night I was awoken by the sound of a drunk man tapping on my bedroom window. That was creepy.

We could not have had anymore diversity in our apartment but it worked so well. Maybe it was because we had four artists: two pianists, an actress/screenplay writer and dancer. Hormones ran a little high at times, but these ladies taught me emotional strength and how to live life with vitality and consistency. Once we got to know each other a little more, it was time to dub our humble abode with a name. Something with character and flair. Thus, we name it the Apartment of Love.

I'll always remember the laughs over ginormous homemade hamburgers, sporadic walks to Belhaven as a "family," last-minute French press coffee pours before class, conversations while lying sprawled on the floor, the night a cockroach fell out of my shirt, conversations from our respective study areas, waiting in line for the bathroom ...

They probably knew this: I always thought "The Apartment of Love" was a cheesy name - but I love it.

(Re)Collection

2011-04-25T11:46:00.000-07:00

Some verses that have been running through my head:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.

Never will I leave you nor forsake you.

I have loved you with an everlasting love.

I am the Lord your God.

Fear not, for I am with you.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

My yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Resurrection Day

2011-04-24T09:28:00.001-07:00

Christ is Risen!

Amen!

Encouragement

2011-04-13T09:28:00.000-07:00

I find great comfort in that, while the world is in a constant state of deterioration, God's love for me and my faith in Him is what keeps me together.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade -- kept in heaven for you. --1 Peter 1:3-4

Circumstances would argue that life has taken an immediate turn; but the reality is that things have been building up to this point. And it is good.

Whenever I begin a new journal, I like to go back and read over the past few months (or however long it's been) of my life, sorting through entries from beginning to end. I keep records of everything (when I remember to write): excursions, quotes, days, to-do lists, sermons, prayer requests, feelings, thoughts ... Flipping through September 23, 2010 up till April 4, 2011 I see how much God has blessed my spiritual growth, revealing himself in many ways: the Word, relationships, answered prayers ... The list goes on.

I've begun the habit of engraving a quote or scripture in the front cover of my journal.

Two journals ago was a Jim Elliot quote: "Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God."

Last journal was Isaiah 55:8-9, 11-12: "'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. My word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you and the trees of the field will clap their hands.'"

This journal is Matthew 22:37/Duet. 6:5: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind/strength."

The purpose of this is to remind myself of God's glory, faithfulness, promises, and direction. By no means have I conquered my struggles; but by the last page of the journal, I hope to be a little closer to knowing God and loving Him more.

Be encouraged. Be blessed. That is all.

blank

2011-04-04T07:11:00.000-07:00

All attempts to think of something interesting or funny to say have failed.

*

This summer is going to be different. Different is good. And God is good.

Chicago 1

2011-03-15T07:45:00.000-07:00

Fact: Finding a parking spot as an out-of-towner is one of the most stressful things for a person to do.

After driving through the night, we left the car parked (legally) on the street. It would become illegal between 8-9am. I started looking for a spot around 8:30 and succeeded about an hour and a half later.

Fact 2: Parallel parking on a main-street with oncoming traffic is enough to give a person a heart attack.

I found a spot, pulled in crooked because I was stressed, may have maybe given a gentle tap to the car behind me ....

Otherwise Chicago has been great! My knee is acting up for some reason. We haven't been walking that much. I'm giving my IT band a little time on Mr. Foam Roller, otherwise, it's off to see China Town and the modern art museum.

Summertime in the winter

2011-03-03T05:59:00.000-08:00

Japanese Magnolias are in bloom. These are one of my favorites. But it's almost like a carpe diem signal: enjoy the weather now because scorching heat, insane volumes of humidity, and freakishly sized mosquitos are on their way to kill you.

Welcome to the Summertime in the South.

Praise God I'm going to Chicago soon.

Heart Happiness

2011-02-13T19:26:00.000-08:00

I've been wanting to write on this topic for awhile. What more of an appropriate timing than around Valentine's Day?

--

A quote ringing in my mind of late is from John Piper:

Keep your heart happy in God.

It's a shame that I remember this only in a cycle of contentment. I am easily distracted, spending a lifetime of throwing myself into things that affirm who I am as a person: lifestyle, clothing, relationships, jobs, etc, etc - all vain things. And when I finally remember to find peace in God, I quickly toss it aside, discontented with what seems impossible to attain or to satisfy my desires.

In a re-reading of A.W. Tozier's "The Pursuit of God," I found that this quote hit home:

Everything is made to center upon the initial act of 'accepting' Christ (a term, incidentally, which is not found in the Bible) and we are not expected thereafter to crave any further revelation of God to our souls. We have been snared in the coils of a spurious logic which insists that if we have found Him, we need no more seek Him.

No words can express the gravity of the situation. Tozier eloquently defines it as our need to have a "loving, mental intercourse," something intense, so intimate and physical in which our minds are consumed with nothing but a desire to become more like Him.

For some reason, God has granted me a peace and a thirsty heart for Him and only Him. I've had so much joy of late. Even on the days that seem awful, He has blessed me with the Scripture. During the times that I fail to love and forget to rejoice, I look to Him.

My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever. -Psalm 73:26

I try to remember all that He upholds:

But now, this is what the LORD says—
   he who created you, Jacob,
   he who formed you, Israel:
        I have redeemed you ...
    I have summoned you by name; you are mine ...
        I will be with you ...
        I am the Lord your God, the holy one of Israel, your Savior ...
       You are precious and honored in my sight ...
        I love you ...   -Isaiah 43

Remember the Lord! Give thanks to the Him, for He is good; His love endures forever (1 Chron. 16:34)!

Smorgishborg

2011-02-01T22:45:00.000-08:00

How busy people make time for significant others, I'll never know.

Last week, I added on a third job, making my schedule extremely tight. Monday through Wednesday are piano days. Thursday through Saturday are restaurant days, hopefully with a little practice here and there. Sundays are "free" days. Every day is an attempt to study for PRAXIS day. Despite the hectic schedule, it is good to be busy. I love my students. I am glad to be playing piano again. And the restaurant has been better than usual.

--

New jobs pending. Some names I'm considering: Mississippi Teacher's Corp (via Ole Miss), Urban Teacher Educational Program (via U of Chicago), Bridge TEFL (via Spain) ... All of these involve relocating, something I've come to terms with. I don't like moving but I love traveling. For the past several months, I (and other people I know) have been praying very hard that God would work in my heart, guiding me to where He would have me be. Right now, it is in a place of contentment.

God is good!

Blessings to you all.

Deep Thoughts

2011-01-28T21:47:00.000-08:00

Is cursing included in a time for everything under the sun?

I'm not stoopid.

2011-01-27T06:35:00.000-08:00

But I feel stupid.

After not having done much of anything in the realm of learning, in the past week I've learned that my attention span has dwindled to that of an ADD third grader, that my reading-comprehension only understands food menus, and that I can't do simple math.

Back in 2009, I bought the Kaplan PRAXIS I study guide. Two years later, I've officially began studying for it. So far, so good. I've only failed the practice math portion by a few questions.

Really?

2011-01-20T08:28:00.000-08:00

People in the South are completely ignorant when it comes to ethnicity!

Being an Asian in the South automatically means that you're Chinese. You are short, weak, and only eat one cup of rice a day. If you speak English with fluency, that is a great surprise. Also, being Asian automatically classifies you as a virtuoso pianist. (The latter is not entirely awful of a presumption, but it puts pressure on the relationship between me and my students' parents.)

I hate being stereotyped because I don't see myself as a stereotype, other than straight, black hair and slanted eyes. And the short part ... This is the reason why I hate telling people that I work at a Chinese food restaurant. It is also why I hardly ever wear my hair in a bun - I'll wear it pinned up, but not in a bun. I don't like pink. I don't like Hello Kitty. I don't liked beans over shaved ice, a Korean delicacy. I don't speak Chinese. Actually, I don't really like Chinese food that much. And give me a break, the only reason I know how to use chopsticks is because I learned how to use them from the paper wrapper. I don't like tea and I don't care for tea parties. I don't know any sort of Asian martial arts. I don't wear hanboks or kimonos. I do not live in a hut made from mud and straw. And I do not sleep on a mat on the floor.

Stop being stupid, people.

I grew up in Memphis. I love running, cooking, eating, sleeping, writing, and reading. I could eat a steak grilled medium-rare, a little more on the rare side, any day of the week. I'd rather go snow skiing than sit on the beach. I'd rather play Frisbee than watch a movie.

If

2011-01-16T20:23:00.000-08:00

... I could choose any career (no stipulations on education, doubts about finances, or anything else therein entailed), then I'd choose one of the following:

Surgeon for clef palate babies - because I'll always have a connection with clef babies.
Head chef of a cooking school for kids - because I adore anything involved with food and think that it's a practical skill and/or hobby that everyone needs to learn at an early age.
4th or 5th grade teacher (I think) - because I've enjoyed teaching piano students this age; they are not too cool for school and are enthusiastic about learning.

Careers you wouldn't have to pay me to stay away from:

Full-time nanny - because I view nannying as a completely different game from teaching. The prerogative in teaching is reaching realistic, practical goals; the prerogative in nannying is entertaining and making sure that the kids don't kill themselves, something that cannot be ensured.
Administration - because I'm terrible at organizing paperwork. Organization is a huge stressor in my life.
Seamstress - because I hate sewing and only do it only if I must.
Animal Caretaker - because I dislike smelling from animal hair, unless it's from horseback riding.

Reflections

2010-12-29T23:30:00.000-08:00

nostalgia |näˈstaljə; nə-|
noun
a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations

--

It has been a long year, full of hard lessons and an abundance of blessings, so many that I don't know for what past times I long. Perhaps the days of ignorance? Yet ignorance would not have taught me how to be tactful in confrontation; how to love and pray for someone I disliked; how to let go of my idols and cleave unto God. Perhaps the days of no regret? Yet a life of no regret would not have shown me how to love others; how to forgive; how to rely on my Savior's omnipotence and grace.

Time brings joys and sorrows. I've witnessed many things this year: uniting of a man and a woman; a dear one undergoing the repercussions of rape; the separation and divorce of couples; bonding of culturally and linguistically diverse peoples; new births; estranged families; broken hearts ...

There seem to be more hurts than blessings; but what is life without these things? What good is a life encapsulated only by love, fulfilled ideals, satisfied desires? How would we know the difference between curse and blessing? Our ideals focus on a commercialized world: Perfection, a place where there are no frustrations, no pains, no troubles ... because God wants to bless us.

Jeremiah 29:11 is often quoted:

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

The words tucked away speak of bondage and punishment because of our revolt.
Jeremiah 29:1-14:

This is what the LORD says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

I love reading about reconciliation: that once we realize what we seek is unfulfillable, then we will seek the Lord.

--

Not that I wish for any of the hurts to have occurred; but I do thank God for all the blessings that have blossomed from them. Because of these, I can only thank Him for the times to come.

Above and Beyond

2010-12-05T22:12:00.000-08:00

Pastor Mike told a story today. This is it paraphrased.

A team was on a missions trip in Malawi, Africa. With them were two African men who guided them through the city. While on a bus ride, the two men suddenly leaped up, shouted for the bus to stop, and ran off, down the street. What everyone else on the bus had not seen was a women walking down the street, carrying her parcels, and losing her balance as the bus drove by. Only the two African men saw this. They ran to the woman, helped her with her parcels, brought her back to the bus, had her sit with them until they reached the next stop, dropped her off, paid for her ticket to get home, and sent her on her way.

This struck a chord in my heart. How often do I go above and beyond mere actions?

--

I've noticed my attitude begin to change. Not too long ago, I used to make a big deal out of the small things. Some might refer to it as the 'Drama Queen Syndrome.' Though not as severe as other Queens roaming the earth, the sense of it was still there. After several hard lessons, I have learnd not to make such a big deal out of things.

What is the use of complaining when I cannot do anything about it? The results are only gossip and dissension among myself and those around me - but specifically within myself. If I am not happy, then I am sure to complain and raise hell on earth for other people. There is nothing more contagious than an envious, discontented, bitter heart.

Rather than verbalize discontent, I try go above and beyond. To give a lot and expect nothing. Most days I fail. But that's why God is so great: He never fails.

Happy Monday!

Lost and Found

2010-12-01T09:30:00.000-08:00

I lost my journal. Should I be scared or grateful? Scared that somebody should find my personal thoughts and experiences; grateful because I never was really fond of that journal - and now I can buy a new one. I've not been writing much anyway. Maybe I should wait to purchase a new one until my writer's itch returns. It used to be a hobby. Now that's fizzled out, along with other things. Is this how aging works? Habits and hobbies morphing into other interests, such as sleep? Maybe I've lost more than my journal.

--

Quandary is my new favorite word. Though it displeases me that so many people familiarize with this word. "What should I do? Why am I doing this? What am I going to do?"

There is much discontent in what life has brought. So what do we do? We nurture the ache and scramble to fill the emptiness with as many things as possible: new cars and toys, relationships, money, work, sex, alcohol ... Things that were meant to be inherently good in their proper place are transformed into idols. Idols do not fulfill. The less fulfillment they bring, the deeper we dig into them.

The book of Jeremiah speaks directly on this topic. The Israelites had forgotten their Love, forsaking Him and filling their lives with vain glories. "They went backward and not forward (7:24)." In the most holy of places, they placed idols. Their punishment extended to generations of exiles. Even then, they did not turn from their ways.

Yet God promises:

I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt, O Virgin Israel.

There is hope for your future.

I will be their God and they will be my people.

I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.

--

Thanksgiving was one of the best family holidays I've had in a long while. And I do not take that for granted.

Sigh

2010-11-20T00:13:00.000-08:00

I have quite a distaste for most chick flicks. But I love Pride and Prejudice (2005).

Jitters

2010-11-17T21:56:00.000-08:00

Nervous energy has been building up over the past few weeks. If only my leg would stop misbehaving! I haven't been able to run.

Time to GO and DO.

But oh what to do.

Ideas?

Keeping Up Appearances

2010-11-13T22:35:00.000-08:00

Shallow. Facade. Crude. Adulterous. Flaky. These are words that make one cringe in reference to Character. To hide these heinous qualities, I put on a face to keep up a good name - for 'Christianity's sake,' right? No. For selfish sake. I wouldn't want anyone knowing the depth of my heart, its black, miry pit. So I have kept it hidden - because it's between me and God, right?

As life toils on, the only reason I am aware of my sinful nature is because of Christ's perfection. I have wagged my finger and judged those who have trudged through lives of drunkenness and debauchery, slothfulness, adultery ... "Shameful," I've thought. Yet, the only thing my life has shown is that I too struggle with each of these things. The only difference is that I am better at hiding it - because 'good Christians' need to appear to have it all together, right?

I've languished in drunkenness. I curse often. I gossip frequently. I struggle with lust on a daily basis. I struggle with many things: but praise God for GRACE, MERCY, LOVE, JUSTICE, PEACE.

Read all of Romans. This does not do the whole book justice, but if a person asked me about my the discrepancies in my faith, this is what I would respond:

Romans 7:24-25a

Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me fromthis body of death?
Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!

God is good!

Psalm 42

2010-11-10T21:01:00.000-08:00

This Psalm speaks to me in my spiritual depravity, anxiousness and lack of faith that He will guide me.

----

As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, my God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?

My tears have been my food
day and night,
while people say to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”

These things I remember
   as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go to the house of God
   under the protection of the Mighty One
with shouts of joy and praise
   among the festive throng.

Why, my soul, are you downcast?
   Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
   for I will yet praise him,
   my Savior and my God.

My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.

Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.

By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.

I say to God my Rock,
“Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?”

My bones suffer mortal agony
as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”

Why, my soul, are you downcast?
   Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
   for I will yet praise him,
   my Savior and my God.

Quote

2010-11-02T13:01:00.000-07:00

"Their churches are rich, because God blesses them. So I pray for China."

This is My Story (again).

2010-10-28T17:20:00.000-07:00

Earlier this year, I wrote this as a letter to parents of a newborn cleft baby. I edited and posted it on my blog to share. Then I deleted that blog. My mom, so sweet, found it in the caches. I thought I'd share it again.

It was 1987. An ordinary woman was working an ordinary job at a car wash in Seoul, Korea. There, she met a man with whom she fell in love. This man was engaged to be married, but declared his love for her and began an affair. Five months later, the woman discovered that she was pregnant. The man, however, rejected her and married his already fiance-to-be. The woman gave birth to a small baby with an ugly face. She gave this baby up for adoption. I was this baby.

...

God had a plan to place me in a loving family. While I was living in foster care, a woman on the other side of the world was flipping through a magazine and found my picture. My mom, who has always had a heart for adoption (and married a man who was willing to have the same heart), brought my information to a doctor. He judged that I would need several surgeries (which was true) and would probably be retarded (which is not true). He directed their attention to a different child, a less high-maintenance child; but my parents decided to take their chances with a special needs baby. I had a few serious surgeries during my infancy and mid-childhood. One included a bone reconstruction of my skull, involving insertion of wires that still remain in my head. I do not remember any of these surgeries. I do, however, remember much of my childhood - and all of it I owe to a sovereign God and loving family.

Growing up, my parents neither sheltered nor coddled me to the point that I would feel inferior. In fact, they did quite the opposite, making sure that I was able to taste many of life's adventures. I was home schooled Kindergarten through 12th grade and was involved in various activities: swim lessons, tap dance, gymnastics, music lessons, church, Vacation Bible School, 4-H, summer camps, horseback riding lessons, art lessons, cooking classes, cake decorating classes, etc ... I have fond memories from all of these activities and am glad that I lived quite the normal, active childhood/teenage-hood. If anything, these helped weaken insecurities I had about who I was, how I looked, and how I interacted with others.

Not once do I remember my parents telling me that I looked different, but other people, especially when I was little, would point out the difference. As a child, little kids would ask me what was wrong with my nose, to which I would respond, "I was born this way." Then we'd resume with our activities. Some conversations weren't as light as those. I remember a little boy and I got into a fight at VBS. Then he started calling out, "Flat nose, flat nose!" while he pressed his nose down with his fingers. That hurt. But it was true.

Some days this truth rang louder than other days, which might be why I was always the last person to get in the van when the family was going out. I spent a lot of time (too much time) primping and making sure that I looked presentable/acceptable. As I grew into my teenage years, I noticed that people didn't comment as much about my looks, perhaps due to their own maturation and state of propriety. Yet I noticed that my nose seemed to grow flatter and the scar down the middle - a result from previous surgeries - seemed to show more prominently.

Previous specialists had said that I would need more surgeries as a young adult, so the combination of that knowledge and self-consciousness drove me to ask my parents for surgery as a sixteenth birthday gift. I laugh when I remember presenting the request to my mom and her following response: "You don't have to ask for this for your birthday!" She and Dad took me to a specialist, Dr. Quigley, who proceeded in a complex surgery that involved removing a part of my rib and pinning it into my nose in order to create a bridge, then removing part of my ear cartilage in order to add a tip.

Everything was a little fuzzy after waking from anesthesia. The first time I had to use the bathroom, two nurses walked me in; then my dad and three nurses had to half-carry, half-walk my IV stand and me back to bed after I fainted on the toilet. The first night home, I remember crying myself to sleep. Pain and a bloody, bandaged, swollen face were the only things I felt and saw. I am unsure what I expected after such an intricate, delicate process ... some sort of "voila!" magic. Thankfully it was only a short while before I was back to my normal self: energetic and spunky.

After all these surgeries, I am 23-years old and still have a funny looking nose with all sorts of materials, excess bones and tissue to hold it together. It has taken twenty-three years for me to realize that insecurity and self-consciousness are a result of pride. They are focused on self-appearance and self-expression. In a sense, they are a "modest" version of vanity. Yet I am still a little insecure and somewhat self-conscious - and I still spend too much time primping in the bathroom. But after all these years, I don't worry as much about it, maybe because now I realize that I'll always look a little different.

I believe that God has and will continue use me (and my unique looks) for a special purpose.

Gracias a Dios!

I wish that ...

2010-10-23T22:47:00.000-07:00

... I was better at opening a bottle of wine at the table. Getting the wrapper off is so hard!!! Apparently it's not etiquette to twist it off. Instead, one has to toil away. The bartenders can get it off in two seconds. It takes me at least fifteen. By the end, I look like a retard. (Oh, is it not PC to use the word 'retard' in a facetious manner against myself?)

--

Today was a good day at work. I prayed for a good attitude because last night I failed the Good Attitude Contest. God has a sense of humor because by the end of the night I was delirious with laughter. It may have been overly obnoxious. But at least I left the building happy rather than wanting to tear anyone to pieces.

Happy Sabbath! REST in His Goodness!

The Enclave of Abnormality

2010-10-21T22:04:00.000-07:00

My household entertains me.

I cannot say much without disclosing 'private' shenanigans of certain boys who live next door. It does amuse me, however, when I see a group of young men troop into the house, exit with rotten bananas in hand, drive away, and return empty handed.

Scratch that thought ...

2010-10-18T19:41:00.000-07:00

Last night, I was typing away at an honesty post, talking about how I dislike my job and am quite unsettled about certain aspects of my life, mainly ones that include Chinese food: smelling like Chinese food, talking about Chinese food, studying Chinese food, handing out Chinese food, eating Chinese food, cleaning up Chinese food ... Am I becoming racists against Asian food? That would be ironic. Anyway, I typed away, until a friend reminded me that I was being too hormonal. So. I decided to spare you.

---

Once upon a time ago, I used to be good at keeping track of my time. Now it seems like time simply flies away to some unknown. I don't know where it goes; but it goes. Maybe it's laziness on my own part. I need to get back into a regimented schedule. Run, read, write, work, practice piano, cook, sleep - not necessarily in that order. In my own defense, however, it is hard to have a regimented schedule when one's life is dependent upon a makeshift schedule.

I have a few jobs lined up: two include teaching under official schools (Jackson Academy and Christ Covenant via Mississippi College satellite campus); two include accompanying for some music departments (Belhaven University and Tougaloo College). Because the teaching jobs are tentative, I've had to leave certain days open for the possibility, which leaves my schedule looking a little too sparse for personal taste.

---

I like this weather - a lot - but am looking forward to cold weather! Maybe it will be cold when I go Home to Kansas City. I remember two years ago when I drove home: I left Jackson, a gorgeous 70 degrees, and made a pit stop outside of St. Louis, a frigid 30 degrees (when wearing shorts and a t-shirt).

Winter, come soon! I long for thee.

Confession

2010-10-10T16:38:00.000-07:00

I have been unashamedly spending too much money on a new coffee bean: Guatemala Antigua coffee. It's a smooth roast with delicious cocoa undertones.

As I sit on my front step, I sip a hot cup of coffee while listening to Gregory Alan Isakov, reading the Nobel Prize announcements and enjoying the refreshing weather.

The only thing disturbing my euphoria is the attack of the Dusk Mosquitoes. I can't wait until it gets cold and they all D-I-E.

I want to ...

2010-09-23T18:43:00.000-07:00

A topic pressing on my mind of late: Making a difference. I want to do something that changes Mississippi. There are so many needs, but I don't know where to start. I once had a friend who told me that her mother said that I am the type of person that could change the world. A great compliment. But maybe I'll just begin with Mississippi.

The Jackson area has a lot of potential for change. 1) There is need. 2) There are prospects (i.e. beneficiaries/benevolent people of Madison/Ridgeland/Flowood area). 3) There is growth. 4) There is interest.

It's something to pray about.

When you are weary ...

2010-09-22T20:13:00.000-07:00

Take comfort in this reminder:

Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain. 1 Corinthians 15:58

Sitting Among Great Minds

2010-09-15T19:44:00.000-07:00

Here I am. In a library. Surrounded by students, books, chairs, computers, coffee cups, water bottles, notes, pencils, pens ... And I'm not even a student. Just a wanna-be. My medical student friend sits beside me, diligently studying for a gross anatomy test while I finish an Ernest Hemingway novel, check my Facebook, and read some articles on pedagogical techniques. It's kind of like studying - but not.

---

Fall is in the air. Despite the 90 degree weather, one can feel a change. A tinge of orange and red creeping through veins of foliage; a crisper feel to the air (i.e. 90% density, not 100% density); less sweating through one's clothing; the seasonal cough going around. Aside from the latter: I love fall. It means less humidity, cooler days to run, sweaters, scarves and jackets, more coffee (if that is humanely possible), hearty suppers, fewer cockroaches ... It also means an inevitably ginormous gas bill from the world's tiniest floor heater's attempt to heat an uninsulated, two-story house. (Technically, it is half of a two-story house, being a duplex; but the bill total would imply otherwise.)

---

In a nutshell: life is moving along. I've no great news, other than that I am learning more to rest in God's faithfulness and trust Him daily. I hope you are too.

Relationships

2010-08-08T21:03:00.000-07:00

When communication is put at a standstill, what do you do?

Not having the same spiritual accountability of friends for five weeks, I learned to do one thing: Talk to God. It is shameful that I went to Him only in my loneliness, yet I found that He truly does fulfill. I learned to pray, talk, and worship more frequently.

Coming back to the comforts of my home, I realize that my struggle is forgetting God's presence. I put so much into relationships that are physical, tangible. Why? For fear of loneliness. Yet these relationships do not fulfill all that I need and desire. It is like filling a basket that has a hole at the bottom; all things seemingly good fall in but cannot fill it up.

Why do I do this? I need to remember that my God will provide all my needs. He is always present and ever near.

Amo ...

2010-08-01T15:19:00.000-07:00

Things I will miss about Spain :

Evenings - They are usually quite cool with a slight breeze. The city is safe to walk around into the wee hours of the night. I love the animation of Madrid.
A splendid view of the Manzanares River - My apartment sits on the bank. Despite construction, this area 'está muy tranquilo.'
Fresh, baked bread - Pastry shops in Spain are so common; the bread is soooo good. Superior quality (and better price!) to that in the states.
Chuches - Specifically strawberry chuches. They're better than Starbursts.
New friends - Even though I cannot understand half of what they are saying without translation, I will miss these fine, Christian ladies and gentlemen.

Be Still

2010-07-31T09:15:00.001-07:00

Friday afternoon, after taking a brief mental break and showering, I went again with Leah to her Bible study. The study topic is about drawing closer to God. There were some things said that made me reflect on the past five weeks. Somebody mentioned how important it is to walk the straight and narrow path; there are many small things that matter in life: attitude, consistency in daily duties ... Once able to handle the 'menial tasks,' God will give us bigger challengers.

This trip has been a big challenge built from - seemingly - menial tasks. I've spent five weeks working in a small area unsuited for what seemed like a day-care, not an arts camp; I've cleaned up many glue and glitter spills; cut up paper and cardboard shapes; held sleeping, sweaty children; chased down bratty children who try to run away at the park ... Over all, it was a test of character. Do I work consistently and wholeheartedly without complaint? Do I remember that THEY (the children) are why I came?

Something I realized is that I came to Spain with the idea that God would hand me an answer to life on a platter. I forgot that God speaks both in a resounding voice and in a still and quiet voice. During the Bible study, somebody mentioned something that made me think of the story of Elijah.

He was running away. The Lord came to him, asking what he was doing. Elijah responded, in a nutshell, that he was the only one left to do the will of the Lord. The Lord told him to stand on the mountain, "for the Lord is about to pass by. Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave." (1 Kings 19:9-13)

Not I was running away to Spain, but it is easy to forget that the Lord is omnipresent. When physical help is lacking, it becomes all about what *I* can - or cannot - do. Like Elijah, I forget that the Lord is there. I haven't taken the time to be still and know that He Is God.

Me Gusta ...

2010-07-27T07:10:00.001-07:00

Toblerone bars, serve cold from the vending machines in the Metro.

41 Degrees [Celsius] and Rising

2010-07-18T15:40:00.001-07:00

¡Hola!

Thank you for your prayers and thoughts. The musical on Wednesday turned out better than expected. The AC has been out at the school; adding twenty extra bodies in the dance room did not help. We somehow managed. I was in the dressing room most of the time, helping kids change shoes and costumes, but, at one point, was able to peek my head around the corner to see kids singing their hearts out and parents smiling proudly. It made everything worth it.

Our team is finally on the mend! Friday, only three of the members were able to assist because the rest were ill. Colds, sinuses, headaches, nausea: you name it. Brittany and I have been taking some multi-vitamins that Hector purchased at the pharmacy. Karen threw out her back but is better. I'm not sure how many of the dance classes she will be able to help with though. She has problems with the discs in her back.

Tonight we have a meeting regarding changes in the upcoming weeks. Brittany, craft extraordinaire and my roommate and adventure buddy, is leaving on Wednesday (nooooo!); Karen is leaving early as well, but closer to the end of camp. We are supposed to have fewer children, which will help. Because some children are returning, we have to add a little more variety to the program. Overall, we'll have the same theme, music, and dances. Mainly the activities will vary.

This week's sight-seeing excursion: Toledo. What a quaint, historical city! Half the time was spent trying to navigate the streets - but that was also half the fun. Toledo is neither very large nor very modernized. It almost has a desert-esque look to it - minus cacti. The streets are paved with brick and very narrow. All the buildings are built from stones or brick. Many of the doors are sturdy wooden structures. Because of time and construction, the only touristic building I was able to see from the inside was the cathedral; but it was worth it. I walked around with my mouth gaping. I've seen some pretty spectacular architecture and artistry in my life, but this cathedral beat all.

On personal reflection, I thought about how little time we Christians, in a post-modern society (or whatever the current era is), put into our faith. The cathedral took over 250 years to complete. Nowadays, 5 years of construction on a church sanctuary seems unthinkable. All the thought, planning, details, involvement, time, care, passion, etc put into one building far surpasses any sort of commitment that I have made in my life. It's something to think about.

I've been reading through Isaiah. Repeatedly, I see God revealing His omnipotence in my weakness. When I am prideful, He breaks my pride. When I am in need, He is there to carry me. Despite all my weaknesses, He still uses me. What a caring, gracious God! How humbling ...

--

This morning, Leah took Brittany and I to her church, Mountainview International. It was nice to be around English speaking people relatively my age. Most of them are from the Netherlands or Britain, thus have suave accents. They invited us to the young adults luncheon but we couldn't go due to our meeting. I hope to go again next week and perhaps make a few friends, partially because once Brittany leaves, I'll have to wander around by myself. That's no fun.

Upcoming plans:
Visit the Prado Museum (on a free night) and Retiro Park.

Perhaps get some more sleep. It has been SO HOT lately. All the walking and waiting in lines takes a toll on one's body. I made the mistake of going on a run after our return from Toledo and just about puked all over the street.

I've had time to do a little more reading and journaling. I finished a book and just started T.C. Boyle's collection of short stories. I'm about halfway through it. Some of the philosophy behind his writing is a little out there, but I really like Boyle's writing style. He captures moments so perfectly.

I hope to cook some more. Spanish food is very starchy. Meals usually have some sort of potato, pasta or rice - and are always served with bread. I feel bloated yet hungry 80% of the time. So far my favorites are the Tortilla Español (a potato-cheese pie) at El Urogallo and cheesecake. It seems to be a hit or miss with the food.

Time seems to be at a standstill. I've still another 2-1/2 weeks left in Spain! That's a bit of time. In some ways, I wish I were back home; in other ways, I wish I had more time here. It's that dreadful feeling of being out on a limb and not knowing what comes next. Life is an adventure. What else can you do but live it?

I hope this finds you well!

Amor y Besos Sudorosos (Love and Sweaty Kisses),
Amy

Trains, People In the Park, and Stalkers

2010-07-09T18:54:00.000-07:00

Queridas Familia y Amigos,

¡El fin de semana está aquí! What a Friday it has been so far. Actually, Friday is over. It's currently Saturday, 2:20am.

Friday was a designated "venture day" for my roommate and I, and it was fairly eventful.

I woke up on time (for the first time) and stopped at one of the cafe's on the way to APAC. I had café con leche y napolitana chocolate. Fue (Era?) muy bueno. The coffee was a little too diluted with milk. Next time, I need to get the coffee with only a little milk. It didn't have enough caffeine to tide me over until lunch time. I was practically falling asleep while assisting with the groups.

While I was on my way to school, two police men stopped me on the street. At first I didn't hear what one of them said because I was listening to my iPod. But then I couldn't understand him at all because he spoke too quickly. I told him that I didn't understand, and then he asked me for my passport (still speaking in Spanish). "Great," I'm thinking, and told him that it was at my house. I showed him my driver's license, and he asked my nationality. Obviously he was not familiar with the state of Mississippi. Once I told him that I was an American, he threw this stream of words at me; I understood it as being chewed out. He said that I need to carry it with me wherever I go. "Siempre?" I asked, and he said "Sí. ¿Vale? (okay?)" I told him to talk to the hand and walked away.

Just kidding. I said "Vale," and went on my way. Hector said that, technically, it is not legal for police men to stop people on the street without warrant but they've been cracking down on immigrants. Here, I'm mistaken for Chinese. What else is new?

School was somewhat chaotic. We had auditions for the musical (a Space theme this year), which made us go overtime. Cramming twenty hungry kids in a hallway is quite the feat. In addition, the kids are settling in a little; therefore, getting on each others' nerves more often than not. I wish they wouldn't antagonize each other because there is nothing I can do to make them stop, other than say "No" and drag them away from each other. Anything else, such as threatening or verbal punishment, has to be done via translator.

Communication is still hard but, again, gets a little better each day. The age range of campers is from 3 - 14 years old. Most of the younger ones will listen and try to teach me things. Most of the older ones don't even try. They will help me with words, but not without big sighs or rolling of eyes. I just haven't found my niche quite yet. Thank goodness for the English-speaking people on the team. There is such an eclectic mixture. Hector is Brazillian. His wife Lilli is Austrian. Both are fluent in Spanish, German, and English. There are Brittany and I, both who only speak English; then Annie, an MK who is bi-lingual in Spanish and English; Karen, a German lady who is fluent in German and Spanish; and Anne-B, a Brazilian who is fluent in Portuguese, Spanish, English and something else ... Often during mealtimes, there are at least three different languages running simultaneously.

After school, Brittany and I came home to take siestas then wandered out to La Plaza Mayor. After missing our bus stop (because of my stupidity), we had to backtrack a bit by foot. (Get used to walking if you come to Europe.) While waiting for the second bus, we saw two people, uh ... "doing the nasty" in the park across the street. (I guess Europeans don't have much propriety because that's not the first time I've seen some serious PDA here.) Dinner wasn't the greatest. I made a bad choice with the veal. The paella (a rice dish in various "flavors" - mainly chicken and/or seafood) was decent. There were a few shops open in the Plaza Mayor. Most of them were the typical tourist shop, where all the items are exactly the same. At one point, this guy began following us. Probably a pick-pocket. He was about to close in on us when, thankfully, a server came out from a restaurant.

(To be honest: if a guy grabbed my purse and ran off with it, I would probably run after him, catch him and beat him to a pulp. But that's just what I think I would do. Most of the time I don't carry too much money or anything irreplaceable or very expensive.)

After awhile, we decided to catch our bus home. Unforunately, the buses stop around 12:30am. We made it too late. The next couple of hours involved us wandering around the city with a vague sense of direction, looking for the Metro and me helping ward off three different men who were hitting on Brittany. The first guy was funny but then creepy as he followed us around for a couple of blocks. It wasn't until we realized that his house was in the direction in which we were walking. (Convenient.) Brittany didn't understand most of what he was saying, so I translated as best as I could. First, he asked her name, then was shocked to find out that she didn't speak Spanish. (This happens quite frequently to Brittany; she pulls off the Spanish look very well.) Apparently that didn't deter him at all because he then asked if she had a cell phone and if he could have her number. He tried to bribe her, saying that he could take her to his house and would take her home in his car; they could go out tomorrow; he would take her to coffee ... It was quite the proposal. Probably another pickpocket. He was very persistent, even after I liked, saying that she was married. Eventually we lost him.

Once we found the Metro, we made it to the gray line (Anden 2), late by five minutes. We would have walked but were sure it would have taken at least another three hours to get back; so we rode in a taxi for the first time. Surprisingly, it was only 9€.

Now it's past 3am. Thank goodness for Saturdays.

Much Love,
Amy

P.S. - Personal Perception of the day: 80% of Asians run the nail salons in the U.S.; 80% of Asians run the fruit stands/tiendas in Spain.

¿Lo oyes?

2010-07-07T14:41:00.000-07:00

Spain won their game this evening!

My roommate and I went to a restaurant/bar close by to watch the game. It was great to feel the excitement in the air. After the win, people began honking their horns (both African and automobile), which was answered with millions of honks in response.

We might not get any sleep tonight. Though, silence has just settled. The Spaniards may be preparing for a large fireworks show.

Mí Dirección

2010-07-04T22:00:00.000-07:00

c/ Ribera del Manzanares
109 4°Dcha
28008 Madrid, Spain

I also have Skype. You can look me up under Amy Easley or "Tweaze."

Or you can e-mail me at amylin.easley@gmail.com.

¡Escribame! I'd love to hear from you.

Actualización de España: Numero Dos

2010-06-30T14:43:00.000-07:00

Dear Family and Friends,

Hello again! I've twenty minutes to type you an update before I head out the door for work, the weekend commences and I leave for Spain (!!!!).

There isn't a whole lot to say other than that this is going to be quite a busy weekend.

With the wedding on Friday, I am trying to balance helping the bride's sanity and my own sanity. So far so good. Tonight we are having a cookout (or cook-in, depending on the rain) with the couple's family. I made tiramisu and am in the process of putting together a chocolate mousse cake. The bride may kill me for tempting her, but I made tiramisu because she loves it so. One, moderate portion doesn't hurt anyone.

Today is my last day at P.F. Chang's for an indefinite amount of time!! I am both excited and sad. There are many people at work who are a joy to work with and have been true to keeping me accountable in my faith and good attitude. Traditionally, an employee's last day is celebrated by a watering/flouring/grab-

anything-else-you-can-to-dump-on-said-employee. That would be me. I had forgotten about this until yesterday, when one of the backwaiters said that he was going to get me good and the head manager said that I was going to get a pie in the face. Great. In some ways, I am looking forward to it. I feel like I've deserved a good exit party.

Thursday I will be free until the evening. I plan to spend the entire day packing and getting my house in order. As of now, I cannot think of any last-minute purchases. The most important things I'm borrowing; some friends are loaning me their money-waist pouch to keep my passport and euros safe, a converter, book-light and suitcase. (As I do not own a suitcase, the latter item is most important.) I bought some new shoes! I call them my Europe shoes. They are mustard-yellow leather with floral soles on the inside and I love them dearly. I'm currently waiting on several books to arrive. I made some great purchases from Half.com last week: T.C. Boyle, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Malcolm Gladwell, P.G. Wodehouse ... I hope they make it before Saturday.

Two things I'm contemplating packing: a pillow and French press. Pillows can be finicky things: hard to adjust to if it lacks the proper poofiness; equally hard to pack if it has too much poofiness. As for the French press, my only reason is because I do not know if the woman I am staying with drinks coffee. I hope she does ... I'll die without coffee. Lately, I've been drinking ungodly amounts. Perhaps it would do me well to have a month-long fast. But no. That would be foolish, especially when I'll be living in a region where the elite of elite coffee is brewed.

Time to go to work. The next update will be from Spain!!!

Please continue to pray for me! Thanks to some very dear people, my financial support continues to increase! Unofficially, I have reached the 80% range! Praise God! Remember the program currently in process at APAC. And pray for decreased stress levels. My body does not react well to stress. I've not been sleeping well since last week and have been sick on and off due to some "irregularities." I tend to lose a lot of weight because I forget to eat - but I'm trying to remember to eat. I know things aren't too bad because I haven't had any anxiety dreams like I usually do in, well, anxious times.

God is good!!

Much Love,
Amy

I wish ...

2010-06-27T20:38:00.000-07:00

that the signs of stress would not be proportionate to the amount of pimples on my face.

P.F. Chang's China Bistro

2010-06-23T17:42:00.000-07:00

Working in the restaurant business has opened my eyes to many different things. You learn a lot about people and their personal tastes, eccentricities, and stereotypes - all of which are somewhat synonymous with each other.

Examples of personal taste:

People who want you to check on them constantly versus people who wish to be left alone almost the entire meal.
People who prefer to ask for the check versus people who prefer the server to bring the check automatically.

Examples of eccentricities:

Ice water with ONLY four cubes of ice.
Lunch bowl rice on the side, not in the lunch bowl.
Chang's Spicy Chicken - substitute beef and Mongolian sauce (i.e. Mongolian Beef ...?)

Examples of stereotypes:

Elderly people tip before inflation. Young people tip because they don't know/haven't been taught any better.
A request for unsweet tea usually implies that a bucket load of Splenda be accompanied on the side.
Groups of workmen who walk in for lunch are usually looking for a buffet.
Overtly rotund people still want to sit in booths.
People who ask for a discount are going to find a way to get it.

The guests at work can be sweet, mean, picky, etc; the same with the workers. My mantra: Give a lot, expect nothing. There are fewer disappointments, more joy, and make people question why it is that I do what I do.

Why do I do what I do? There is a higher calling than to earn money. I live to serve.

God is good.

Spain Update: Numero Uno

2010-06-22T08:55:00.000-07:00

Dear Family and Friends,

I leave for Spain in approximately 11 days and 4 hours. My excitement and nervousness increases each time I think about the trip. It wasn't until yesterday the realization hit me that I leave next week! I may have started hyperventilating - just slightly.

There are still some details missing, but things are coming together. This is a huge lesson in patience - with appropriate timing - before I reach the European continent. Hector Ramirez, the head of the school, and others have told me to remember FLEXIBILITY when working in Spain. Life is slightly more laid back and not so regimented, especially at APAC, a small, young school still attempting to get on its feet.

Between now and the 24th, all the other camp assistants will be arriving in Madrid! I am flying in late because I am a bridesmaid in one of my best friend's wedding. My focus this week is to work a lot. Beginning of next week, I have few shifts at P.F. Chang's in order to prepare for the wedding and for Spain. It seems as if I should be spending more time in preparations, but I've no idea what exactly it is that I should be doing. My to-do list so far consists only of calling my bank to let them know that I'll be in Spain and packing. If you can think of anything else, let me know. Perhaps a little more review of the Spanish language ...

A friend asked what I am most excited about. I honestly answered, "Having Saturday and Sundays off." It will be quite the luxury, even if I am still running around doing things for the school; it won't be the same type of running around like at the restaurant. Other things I'm excited about (not necessarily in order):

Helping out with The Arts!
Running in the streets of Madrid, which is apparently quite safe.
Building new relationships.
Building my Spanish-speaking skills.
Eating tapas.

I will be staying with a missionary who works with the church. I do not know anything about her, other than that she has lived in Spain for quite sometime and is familiar with the whole routine. Both Brittany Irons, the pastor's daughter of Cornerstone Church, and I will be sharing a room together. Although Brittany is from Jackson, I have yet to meet her. I hope we will become good friends.

As far as my specific duties in Spain, I am not sure which groups I will be placed in to teach. We will have dancing, theatre, arts, English, music ... Obviously, I hope to be placed in the latter two groups but do not have high hopes, as I will be arriving post-camp kick-off.

Obviously, there are many "Unknowns." If I start becoming more anxious, I try to remember to pray. God has always provided and will continue. If you think of me, please pray for any of the following things:

Support raising - This is a huge prayer. As of today, I have approximately twenty percent of my support. Please pray that God would continue to bless my financial situation.

New Job - This is related to the above topic. I am currently in the interview process for a job with the Mississippi Arts Commission. Things are looking very positive. Malcolm White, the director and my potential immediate boss, has implied that he is very willing to work with me, as my trip to Spain conflicts with the date that the job needs to be fulfilled. If I get the job, then I do not need to raise as much support because I would not stay an extra two weeks to help at APAC. Please pray that something good will come out of this process.
Staff - Pray that the staff would arrive safely in Madrid and be able to accomplish all that needs to be done before the summer program begins; pray that the first week will run smoothly.
Transition - I am a little nervous about being the new kid on the scene. The staff members and day-campers will have already connected for a week. It will be uncomfortable at first, but pray that I will get into the routine quickly, not being weighed down by the language barrier and jet-lag.

Thank you for your support and love! I know that things will become quite busy and that time will fly quickly, but I promise to keep you updated as often as I can.

Much Love,
Amy

http://www.aslanperformingartscentre.org/

Confessions

2010-06-06T21:03:00.000-07:00

I am an excellent Facebook stalker.
I hate attending baby showers. The "ooo"ing and "aaah"ing after the opening of every single gift is just too much to bear, especially after ooing the millionth blue onesie. Bridal showers are usually the same.
It was not worth it at the time, but I snitched my first sip of wine one Thanksgiving day.
I'm huge on cuddling and giving kisses, therefore have to restrain myself. I'd love to live in a culture where giving kisses were permissible as a greeting.
I have a crush on Gregory Alan Isakov.
Today, the pastor confessed how he thought most newborn babies are ugly. I concur.
I think most jazz music sounds mediocre.
I'm trying to give up cursing.
Sometimes I run commando. (That's what the lining in women's running shorts in for, right?)
I usually crush on tall, skinny nerds. That's my stereotype, I suppose. Not always, but generally.
Too much sarcasm hurts my feelings.
Depending upon the occasion, I try not to wear pink in public for fear that people think me too much of a girly-girl.
I wished to be a boy, back in my tomboy days.
I HATE looking at pictures of myself during the 12-15 age range.
People who do not wash their hands after using the bathroom disgust me.
I am scared of the dark yet LOVE running at night.
If reincarnation were an option, I'd be a bird.
Someday, I hope my husband proposes to me on a bridge.
B.O. is a pet peeve of mine.
I test people and our friendship quite often. I'm sorry. It's a security issue.
I enjoy cooking for people but find few people with whom I enjoy cooking. My little brother Nathanael just happens to be one of my excellent cooking buddies.

Trifle Things are Best

2010-06-03T22:09:00.000-07:00

This evening I served a middle-upper aged lady (i.e. she looked in her 50s or 60s) and her son, I presume. A conversation about teaching began. I told them that I was looking for a teaching job and praying hard about it. She said a very disheartening thing: that the only thing that makes teaching worthwhile is retirement.

She did not mean it entirely. The statement was merely a response after dealing with thirty years in the Jackson Public School System.

The lady and young man wished me luck. I wished them well, and we parted.

Returning to clean up the table, I opened the check presenter and found a fortune they had left:

One learns most from teaching others.

I appreciate the sentiment very much.

Ignorance is ...

2010-05-30T07:42:00.000-07:00

When I was a child I spoke as a child I understood as a child I thought as a child; but when I became a [woman] I put away childish things.

Do 'childish things' include ignorance? I've come to realize that I've had a very ignorant view of life and its obligations as a Christian adult. Obligations to what? To serve without being served in return. To give without expectations. To love continually without a response. It wears on the body - something I've been experiencing - if not taken in the proper light. Much to my chagrin, people - and often myself - do not care. I serve with the expectation of praise; give in anticipation of receiving something; love to be loved back. Even in the simplest of things, I am seemingly let down.

During his time on earth, Jesus served, gave and loved with infinite abundance. Some days, I am able to resemble this example; the fruit is always the most satisfying. It is one of the most satisfying things: to give oneself wholly just for the sake of serving, giving, loving. I only pray that God would make this a continual urgency and willingness in my heart.

Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men ...

Spendthrift

2010-05-27T22:19:00.000-07:00

I confess: as a stress relief, I spend money on groceries. It may be cheaper to opt for a gallon of ice cream, but I've already two in my freezer. Besides, that's too original.

Tonight's great finds? Everything good, from Gardin of Eatin guacamole tortilla chips and Kings kimchi to Formaggio's "fresh"ly rolled mozzarella cheese (pre-packaged? hmmmm ...) with capricola and Angelino's Italian sausage tortellini. Also, the basics: orange juice and eggs.

I finished half the bag of chips on the way home; then consumed a quarter of the jar of kimchi upon arrival. It's been awhile since I've eaten authentic kimchi. My digestive track is currently freaking out. I tried balancing out the spicy tang with sauteed spinach, but I think the only result is funky smelling breath. Nothing a little Crest can't fix.

God is good.

Things on the Up

2010-05-26T07:22:00.000-07:00

I've a few things in mind to do this summer:

Finish the four books I began months and months ago
Finish at least four more new books
Run more
Eat more healthy (i.e. less P.F. Chang's on breaks)
Pray more
Count my blessings more
Remember to be more optimistic
Study more Spanish
Eat more ice cream

More is good, right?

A Hymn to God the Father

2010-05-20T08:23:00.000-07:00

by John Donne

Wilt Thou forgive that sin where I begun,
Which was my sin, though it were done before?
Wilt Thou forgive that sin, through which I run,
And do run still, though still I do deplore?
When Thou hast done, Thou hast not done,

For I have more.

Wilt Thou forgive that sin which I have won
Others to sin, and made my sin their door?
Wilt Thou forgive that sin which I did shun
A year or two, but wallowed in a score?
When Thou hast done, Thou hast not done,

For I have more.

I have a sin of fear, that when I have spun
My last thread, I shall perish on the shore;
But swear by Thyself, that at my death Thy Son
Shall shine as he shines now, and heretofore;
And having done that, Thou hast done;

I fear no more.

Grace: What a Thing!

2010-05-14T21:06:00.000-07:00

As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God!

Psalm 40:17

Oops

2010-05-13T08:24:00.000-07:00

During attempts to reduce the amount of free-radical information I have streaming across the World Wide Web, I managed to delete my old blog. How sad. But here I am: again. Blog No.4.